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What's more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox's short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the 'hetrosexual.'
Straight Is the New Gay
by Maddox
In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual.
Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a 'fashion faux-pas' in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase 'faux-pas' draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay.
Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out:
| 1. How much should you tip a hairstylist? |
| If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists. |
| The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof. |
| 3. Which language do you speak? |
| A) French |
| B) English |
| C) Both |
| D) Neither |
| The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of 'like,' and even then, men don't like anything that much. |
| 4. When dining at restaurant, you should |
| A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat |
| B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you |
| C) What's a maitre d'? |
| The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above. |
If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.
User popularity level:
Rated by buyers
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this book covers everything a real man should know about!
-Asskicking
-Pirates
-Copping A Feel
-Taking A Dump
and so much more!
educational and entertaining.....and great to read while on the toilet!
Rated by buyers
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I read 3 pages and broke my collarbone due to severe laughter. I read on and learned a little more about manliness. By the time I was done with the book, I decided to fuse my collarbone back to my chest by simply welding it back on.
Rated by buyers
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I've been a fan of Maddox for some time and I thought his book was great. I think you'll definitely like it, but if you don't like his website, you're not going to like his book so make sure you check it first. Also,if you're looking for manly books, then I would recommend I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell or FRATIRE (also called College Life Extreme?). Both authors have websites so check them out too before you waste your money on a book you might not like.
Rated by buyers
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After having some experience with the website I thought Maddox was a person who could validate anything he spoke of. Every argument and every statement he makes is instantly backed up with his arsenal of biased opinion. Maddox is at times very funny and his website has made many people keep close tabs on anything he does, such as writing books.
In this case, he clearly states the only purpose of this book is to make money. I hope he succeeded, but in the overall process he failed to create a book. Instead, he just wrote 26 essays based on old and tired jokes. Sure some of it is great and I did manage to laugh out loud several times, but the point is this is not literature. I must admit I did want a break from the same old literature I was currently into and expected something different. But this just let me down.
Much like Sex, Drugs, and Coco Puffs, this collection of pointless stories destroys the author's creativity and humor. Chuck Klosterman and Maddox both try too hard when they write and they come off as lame.
This book was still funny enough to give it a few stars as I didnt hate it, but I can't say that I will ever read it again. Go to his website and read his articles, they're better. Otherwise, keep this book in the bathroom and read a passage or two from time to time.
Rated by buyers
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While on vacation in Florida, I stopped by a B&N to look for something to read while on the flight home. I had already read all the magazines I like and didn't want anything too serious. I was checking out some books in the humour section and stumbled on this one. I am glad I did.
This is straight up hilarious nonsense from the mind of Maddox, the superman behind "The Best Page in the Universe".
I had a day left in the sun, and spent it voraciously gorging myself on this book, finishing it before dinner.
Truly funny, but truly brutal, this book walks you through the alphabet through the eyes of a brutal dude.
If you don't laugh out loud when you read this book, check your pants - you might have soiled yourself trying to keep it in.
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